So here’s the dealio, Stealio… aka the New Year’s/Year End post

[Disclaimer: the second half of this post includes GIFs!!!!]

I don’t choose words for the year. Okay. Well sometimes I do. But the last time that happened was in 2007 and my word was “hope.” Interesting word for a year that was the worst of my life. I suppose it was fitting because I needed hope like a lifeline by December 31.

I love words though. Two words dropped down from the heavens like shooting stars last night. Right before bedtime, of course. I had to run and grab my journal to mark the first one down before I forgot. Audacity. Audacity is, in my opinion, entirely overused. But it’s still charming. Because the connotation makes it a little more jaw-dropping than brazen. Yet it doesn’t have quite the scandalous ring that brazen does. Brazen just sounds like a woman’s eyes in the red light district. Audacity sounds more like the unexpected. What happens when an old woman drives a 60’s red convertible mustang at over 100 mph down a country dirt road screaming, “WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Yeah. That’s audacity.

The other word was querulous. I just now had to look this one up in the dictionary to get the meaning. What I love about it is how it sounds (I most certainly will NOT be picking this one for my word of the year). Que-ruuu-lussss. Snotty in the extreme. The meaning gives me a picture of the elderly grandmother in Anne of Avonlea the movie. (Or Anne of Windy Poplars, if you’ve read the books) She was querulous.

I may love words, but I’m not sure I want to pick a word for the year. It’s a bit damning. Even though I really, really love audacity right now and it may just become my word of the year through osmosis. (Because I am stubborn and will not pick it) So you might see audacity returning throughout 2014. I have some ideas for that word.

Speaking of ideas… one thing I would like to do in 2014 is to make this little blog a little more official. A redesign and my OWN DOMAIN. Yikes. That’s a little scary. And also where I might be thinking about using audacity. I really want to push forward with my writing and see if I can make anything of it. If yes, cool. If not, no harm no fowl. Thankfully, domain names are only about $15 a pop for the year. Could be a nice experiment.

As for 2013… it’s been quite an interesting year. I was writing out some highlights yesterday, and since I’ve been recently obsessed with/crushing on reading Aussa Loren’s new blog, what I wrote all came out as sarcasm. 😀 That is not this version since I left that version at home, safe in my Mac which is probably being warmed by my kitty as I type. Plenty of sarcasm is still dead ahead, though. Also, lots of Happy Endings memes, since I don’t have cable and can’t watch the marathon tomorrow (Fail. Epic. Fail.).

My life has been extraordinarily adventurous this year (and always, but who is counting).


First off, my neighbors were crazier than yours. From the schizophrenic crazy woman who talked in a deep male sailor voice to herself…

(like this, but slightly younger. Everything else is accurate)

…to the psycho whose favorite pastime was shootouts with the police…

(pew pew pew!!)

And yes the twain were friends. It was an unlikely pairing: old schizophrenic witch woman and young, sunglasses-bedecked (AKA tweaking) male… but they both talked to themselves so in the end, they probably had great conversations.

After the shootout incident, I also wore THIS perfume

For like a week straight. I AM TITANIUM, BITCHES!

I was surrounded by insanity this year. And the burning of copious amounts of sage. Especially around the back wall of my bedroom, which I, ironically (not so ironically?) shared with crazy shootout guy.

The other weird thing that happened this year was that on December 9th, the anniversary of my sister’s deaths, I had to get stitches. I was rolling out of bed TO PRAY and hit my head on my nightstand/garden table (that has metal edges).


But on to other, more epic things from this year:

Marked one year of sobriety in the back of a hippie van singing beautiful music. It was spontaneous and amazing. I still feel sparkled with stardust at this moment and it happened 7 months ago. 🙂 Best Higher Power ever, y’all.


Started EMDR therapy with the coolest therapist ever. EMDR is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing… basically it’s reprogramming your brain. So thanks to EMDR, I’m much less neurotic than earlier this year.

I think…

Also, my therapist is both sensitive and sarcastic, which quite frankly is probably the best combination in the world. I get eye rolls and sarcastic renderings of myself one minute, and the next minute he’s tearing up at my tears. The. Best.

The Bestie in June. I went to Langley, B.C. the first week of June to spend some long-awaited time with my bestie of almost 20 years. We laughed, we cried… we pranced around Vancouver in 50’s swag. We looked like this:

Hermione, my kitty. Who forever seals my fate as the old cat lady. But with her leading me, I go willingly into that dark night. It was love at first sight at the adoption event in June. Then stark hatred for 3 months as I came to terms with sharing my space with this… creature. Then when psycho neighbor went all Live Free or Die Hard on everyone’s ass, Hermione was my sweet salvation… if she were a hero she might look like this…

except she’s not a boy. Also, I think I should have named her Prof. Trelawney instead… if you knew her you would know why.

After 5 years of being in college for my undergrad, I finally walked across the stage. This was so big for me because in the last 5 years, all this has happened:
Got engaged and married to ex-husband
Ramped up my drinking career – the worse my marriage got the more I drank
Realized ex was not going to stop shenanigans and started going to a 12-step group for wives of sex addicts
Realized ex would not change so filed for divorce
More drinking
More men
And THEN I got sober in May and June 2012
And moved to NC for 3 months
Then moved back
Celebrated 18 months of sobriety
Then graduated on 2 years to the day that my divorce was final.

Talk about awesome.

So what does 2014 have in store?? I think audacity is definitely going to become my word by osmosis, just looking at this year. I will be starting grad school sometime between June and September, depending on where I choose to go. Now that’s pretty audacious if you ask me. Especially if I end up leaving the state to do it.

I also want to love with more audacity. My prayer for the past 2 weeks has been to open my heart (just not literally).
I want to take on life with more audacity. Take some risks.
I want to write with audacity – no holds barred, not obsessing about mistakes and grammar. And maybe a domain name and better branding. That’s pretty audacious because it’s taken a lot of work to get the followers I have (not many) and I don’t want to lose them but…

you know… audacity.

Happy 2014 everyone!!!! may it be filled with Happy Endings for everyone!!!


4 Replies to “So here’s the dealio, Stealio… aka the New Year’s/Year End post”

  1. Wow! What a whirwind of activity and restrospection. I got tired just reading that 🙂

    But I love the audacity of all those GIF’s there. Who knew…that quiet girl in the back of the class with her head in the books would be a firecracker at the keyboard? Oh what secrets that kitty of yours knows 🙂

    Anyway, I am so very happy for you, Laurie. You have gone through a lot in your young (er than me) life. You carry yourself with dignity and integrity, even when you don’t feel like it. At least, that’s the vibe I get off the screen…reading between the lines. And amongst that, there is pain, of course. I do recall some tough posts of yours and that vacant feeling coming from you. But there is always a return to the core, isn’t there? Our HP directs us, nudges us, points us towards where we need to be, even if we don’t want to be there. And you seem to be allowing yourself to do that. That’s courage my friend…by the wheelbarrow.

    I look forward to watching your journey, my friend.


    1. Haha sorry to tire you out, Paul! Hope it was enjoyable. 😀
      I know, right? Sometimes my introspection/introvertedness fools everyone into thinking my insides are quiet… when in actuality I do have many Happy Endings gif parties within the course of a week 🙂 oh man and my kitty… if you saw what she sees… you would have an entirely different picture of me. 😀
      And thank you, Paul. My life feels like a maelstrom sometimes but I try, at least, to return to the core. Or to at least allow myself to be nudged back there. 🙂
      Speaking of watching journeys… I just remembered I forgot to finish reading your last post. Heading over now. 🙂

  2. Aw, hello! I feel like I just learned so much about you in this one post, which is awesome! Damn you’ve had quite the year– and that’s awesome that you’re going straight for grad school right after finishing undergrad. It took me forever to get through undergrad, pretty sure I’ll never be going back 😉

    Thanks for the shoutout in your blog! I was reading along and then like WAPOW! You’re too sweet 🙂 And ooooops about my sarcasm rubbing off on you.. ha.

    I like audacity for your word but it’s understandable if you don’t want to overtly choose it… we’ll just… see what happens. And OKAY you talked about sage– can I just say that my friends at work and I kept joking about how badly I needed sage in my life so I went and bought some a little less than a year ago… and burned it as you’re supposed to… and then met my boyfriend, the first decent man in the world. That night. MADNESS. So, I’m a firm believer.

    Can’t wait to see what this year has in store for you, audacious or snotty (can’t remember that word already……) or whatever else it may be!

    1. It’s Aussa Lorens!! *inner squeal of delight*
      *recovering composure* Yeah this post did cover a lot of ground didn’t it?? I think I mentioned most everything… Haha I don’t know whether it’s awesome or suicide that I’m going to grad school after only a 6 month break… but hopefully it will be awesome! 5 years in undergrad was killer… if you had to suffer more than that I am so, so sorry.
      No apologies for the sarcasm! I had a brilliant day the other day. I was at work for 10 hours and my bestie (growingbutterfly) had passed your blog along to me so I spent about half of my day reading it… (don’t worry I’m allowed to browse the net at work) and everything for the next 12 hours was covered in irony. My entire inner dialogue was hilarious. So no need to apologize, it was brilliant, really. 😀 I don’t laugh nearly enough and I was in tears at work from laughing so hard.
      SAGE!!!! that stuff is MAGICAL. Since I can’t have Harry Potter’s wand, I think sage will -almost- suffice. I’m serious. When my trigger-happy neighbor moved in next to me, I couldn’t burn enough of the stuff. At this point I had no idea about him… but I couldn’t shake the feeling that my back bedroom wall needed extra doses of sage. I smudged and re-smudged my bed and the wall and that entire area of my house. And what do you know. NO bullet holes in the wall which is literally a miracle. The other apt that shared a wall from him had damage. Sage = expecto patronum. Although it has yet to bring me a decent man… what AM I doing wrong??
      Thank you! I am looking forward to seeing what your year holds as well… and for any forthcoming posts! I hear you have a lot of material that you’re holding out on. 😉

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