I am the Key.

 Some wires got crossed recently, I don't know when, and my brain has been a little bit haywire. Drunk on abandonment issues that keep waving little red flags at me. My life keeps hinging on whether this person responds to me, whether this person shows up at this place or not, whether people come through …

25.

Today is my birthday and I am 25 years old. So that means I can do whatever I want in this post. (Because who doesn't do this on their birthday? Source) (Or this, for that matter... Source) But don't worry. I have some thoughts to share too, now that I am a whole quarter century …

distilled. (a poem)

distilled.faces flashed by.warp speedslowed byyour eyes, my eyes.I caught thema butterflywings flutteringsoftly against my hand.Wide openyou gulpeda world full ofbrackish waterThrough the opened lidseverything floodedan ocean in yourone entire drop of self.But you laughed.because beauty ofasymmetryis this...that by swallowingthe oceanyou can losethe dropand all youever wantedwas to bea very lost drop.distilled.

Neruda; the flowers.

I have had a little obsession lately that has sprung up in my bones. It's really been waiting for me for years, ever since I saw the first line in a Neruda poem. I don't remember what that first line was. I do remember the feeling, though. "Oh, hello. It's so wonderful to see you again." …

Dave The Bookstore Guy (AKA the Swinger)

My in-real-life friends know about the bookstore guy. I met him a couple of months ago at a local bookstore and had a fascinating chat with him about maps and travel (TWO of my favorite things, as all my friends know). I ran out before I got his phone number and didn't see him again, …

Resentment and Addiction

"Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." AA Big Book, page 64. On my palms are two broken blisters, one unbroken. They are still raw with the storm that the howling wind blew through me last night, leaving me shaking and exhausted in its wake. Adrenaline roaring up through …

The Joseph story, like you’ve never heard it before.

Once upon a time, the story of Joseph nearly ruled my life. You know, the biblical story of the dude who had 11 brothers who betrayed him and sold him into slavery in Egypt. I was Joseph. Sold into slavery in Egypt. Joseph got to Egypt and was bought buy a guy named Potiphar (sweet …

like stepping on a live wire

I don't talk about this as much on here, but it's definitely time (and maybe overdue). I have another disease besides alcoholism, and it's called love addiction. Sometimes this is paired with discussion of sex addiction. Sex played a small part in my own experience and I exercise sexually responsible behaviors now. But love addiction …