Growing Pains

I don certain perspectives with ease. They're like sunglasses in the sense that they block out certain spectrums of light. Like that one pair of sunglasses that you hate that makes everything look brown. It's easy to see life as shit-colored. Sometimes I wear my sunglasses at night. That makes it even more difficult. I …

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Breakthrough

Last night I decided to give my new tarot deck one more round of "let's see what it comes up with" before bed. For those of you who don't follow my Twitter, I've been obsessed with tarot card reading lately. And by lately I mostly mean the last 3 days since I bought this deck …

Shell

I am sharing a very vulnerable piece of my heart today, over on the blogging collective I'm involved with: The Sisterwives. I would love it if you would please go view this piece. It took a lot of guts for me, both to write it and to record it. It's not something I often make …

This is Real

It is so frustrating when I am in the middle of making dinner and realize I need another pan, but I take one look at what I'd have to do to get one, and I completely shut down. I decide not to wilt the kale and sear the garlic. I decide to just go with …

Stay Here With Me

There is a spoken word poem by Andrea Gibson that is my love poem to myself. It's called The Madness Vase/The Nutrionist. I heard it in person last week when she was here for a sold-out show in Colorado Springs. (By the way, talk about an awesome experience - attending a SOLD OUT Spoken Word …

Late Have I Loved You – 100th post

(My twin sister loved this painting.) I miss my twin. I've missed her like hot, searing fire lately... right down to the bone. My skin melting off, charred ash... and the bones still ache, and the ash still smokes from the ground, sending up aching like incense to the sky. These times come without warning, …

The Patron Saint of Lost Causes (The Day My Sisters Died, Part 3)

If you are just joining in, I invite you to read Part 1 and Part 2, here and here. ------- (St. Jude - The Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes) "If this is salvation, I can show you the trembling. You'll just have to trust me. I'm scared. I am the patron saint …

Intermission

Hello, all. Just wanted to let you know that part 3 is still coming. I've been on vacation in Mexico this past week (hooray for vacation and the beach!) and haven't had the mental space to try to write it. But it's in my heart and will be put down as soon as I can …

Alexithymia (The Day My Sisters Died – Part 2)

Trigger Warning: I know several people are reading who have also been through a similar experience to mine. In light of this, please know that some of this post may be disturbing to you. Please monitor yourself if you wish to keep reading and don't read more than will unnecessarily disturb you. I am going …

The Unwinding Cable Car (Or – The Day My Sisters Died, Part 1)

I have told this story over and over, sometimes to an audience of one, and sometimes to the audience of the world. Although if you asked, I couldn't tell you what words I stumbled over in the Good Morning America interview only 2 weeks after my sisters died. I remember I was wearing a yellow …