Last night I decided to give my new tarot deck one more round of "let's see what it comes up with" before bed. For those of you who don't follow my Twitter, I've been obsessed with tarot card reading lately. And by lately I mostly mean the last 3 days since I bought this deck …
Constellations
“It seems we struggle for a lifetime to become whole. Few of us ever do ... Most of us end up going out the same way we came in -- kicking and screaming. Most of us don't have the strength -- or the conviction. Most of us don't want to face our fears.” ― Darren Aronofsky; …
Stay Here With Me
There is a spoken word poem by Andrea Gibson that is my love poem to myself. It's called The Madness Vase/The Nutrionist. I heard it in person last week when she was here for a sold-out show in Colorado Springs. (By the way, talk about an awesome experience - attending a SOLD OUT Spoken Word …
One can learn a lot in 2 years.
Today I am officially 2 years sober from alcohol!!! I am laying in bed at 10 o clock in the evening, nursing an ear infection, with a dinner that for some reason upset my stomach and had me in the bathroom for 30 minutes (TMI, I know. Deal with it), and yet, I am smiling. …
The Patron Saint of Lost Causes (The Day My Sisters Died, Part 3)
If you are just joining in, I invite you to read Part 1 and Part 2, here and here. ------- (St. Jude - The Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes) "If this is salvation, I can show you the trembling. You'll just have to trust me. I'm scared. I am the patron saint …
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STOP – In the naaaaaame of looooove…
So, last week was pretty much hellfire and brimstone aimed at my dwelling. Wish I could say I did the celebrity walkout with explosions in the background... (Source) But I didn't. Got nicely caught in the crossfire happening in my own brain. I'm still dealing with aftermath and all the beautiful particles and things. I …
my hands are small
It's not metaphorical. It's true. I have tiny hands. Size 4.5 ring finger. And they can't dot things neatly, like that title up there that sits, balancing, without a period to stave off the anxiety of no ending. My hands can't stop uncertainty. "My world keeps spinning around." like the lyrics of this song that …
the stronger pull.
The past 2 weeks have sunk me. Drowned me. In the best of ways. So much of me never wishes to surface. Rumi says, "An ocean woos a drop." He goes on to say, and I can't remember the direct quote, that this is the best deal possible and everything should be sold for such …
Object Lessons
I can tend to compulsively manage my life. I do this in three areas especially: finances, recovery, and school. If you've been reading this blog for a couple months, you know about the financial stress I put myself under. Each thing has its place, and each place has its thing. As I told my therapist …
50 Shades of… Green.
It's 11:29 pm. I have been sitting and staring at my computer screen for 3 hours or so. Not losing myself in Facebook (ok...well...a little). Not checking email, or WordPress, or writing. Nope. Instead, I've been obsessively trying to figure out how to spend my money well. A dear friend and I went on a …