Last night I decided to give my new tarot deck one more round of "let's see what it comes up with" before bed. For those of you who don't follow my Twitter, I've been obsessed with tarot card reading lately. And by lately I mostly mean the last 3 days since I bought this deck …
Legacy
We're not up for that. The countless times I heard that phrase as a child. It started with disinterest. It became a lack of time. It became a lack of motivation. It became a lack of energy. It was too hard to interact with the world, to interact with life, to interact with others. So …
This is Real
It is so frustrating when I am in the middle of making dinner and realize I need another pan, but I take one look at what I'd have to do to get one, and I completely shut down. I decide not to wilt the kale and sear the garlic. I decide to just go with …
Okay. I overdid it.
I wrote awhile back on how full my life was. I've had some friends caution me in the past 2 weeks about taking care of myself. I even thought I was fine, just doing life. Well. I was wrong. (Surprise!) I got to this weekend and I have been totally wiped out. Not a little, …
My Life is Full – Learning to Prioritize
It's been in the last couple of months I finally started getting what people with a lot of time in 12-step meant by saying, "My life got really full." Recently, my life has gotten very full. Back a couple of years ago when I started recovery, I couldn't tell you what I truly loved. I …
STOP – In the naaaaaame of looooove…
So, last week was pretty much hellfire and brimstone aimed at my dwelling. Wish I could say I did the celebrity walkout with explosions in the background... (Source) But I didn't. Got nicely caught in the crossfire happening in my own brain. I'm still dealing with aftermath and all the beautiful particles and things. I …
I am the Key.
 Some wires got crossed recently, I don't know when, and my brain has been a little bit haywire. Drunk on abandonment issues that keep waving little red flags at me. My life keeps hinging on whether this person responds to me, whether this person shows up at this place or not, whether people come through …
Object Lessons
 I can tend to compulsively manage my life. I do this in three areas especially: finances, recovery, and school. If you've been reading this blog for a couple months, you know about the financial stress I put myself under. Each thing has its place, and each place has its thing. As I told my therapist …
Heart-Silence
I am coming to appreciate the value of silence. I don’t mean just silence in the sense that there are no words. I mean heart-silence.Some people, when you tell them your emotional state, what you’re experiencing, respond with advice or suggestions. I’ve noticed this for awhile, and it comes in several forms. When I was …
50 Shades of… Green.
It's 11:29 pm. I have been sitting and staring at my computer screen for 3 hours or so. Not losing myself in Facebook (ok...well...a little). Not checking email, or WordPress, or writing. Nope. Instead, I've been obsessively trying to figure out how to spend my money well. A dear friend and I went on a …