Growing Pains

I don certain perspectives with ease. They're like sunglasses in the sense that they block out certain spectrums of light. Like that one pair of sunglasses that you hate that makes everything look brown. It's easy to see life as shit-colored. Sometimes I wear my sunglasses at night. That makes it even more difficult. I …

Finding Ground

Back in February/March, I went to Sayulita, Mexico, and found myself as I have never done before. I went alone. As such, I was required to make my own self care an absolute priority, down to what I ate. While there, I encountered regular thoughts of self-hatred, regular condemnation for the lack of yoga I …

Wolves

I've been absolutely outraged by Ferguson and the events there, and this is what came out tonight. I felt compelled to share it with you. Excuse my stumbling words; please know that I don't know how to write about this. But I'm trying. I recognize my own privilege and the role that it plays in …

Late Have I Loved You – 100th post

(My twin sister loved this painting.) I miss my twin. I've missed her like hot, searing fire lately... right down to the bone. My skin melting off, charred ash... and the bones still ache, and the ash still smokes from the ground, sending up aching like incense to the sky. These times come without warning, …

The Patron Saint of Lost Causes (The Day My Sisters Died, Part 3)

If you are just joining in, I invite you to read Part 1 and Part 2, here and here. ------- (St. Jude - The Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes) "If this is salvation, I can show you the trembling. You'll just have to trust me. I'm scared. I am the patron saint …

Alexithymia (The Day My Sisters Died – Part 2)

Trigger Warning: I know several people are reading who have also been through a similar experience to mine. In light of this, please know that some of this post may be disturbing to you. Please monitor yourself if you wish to keep reading and don't read more than will unnecessarily disturb you. I am going …

The Unwinding Cable Car (Or – The Day My Sisters Died, Part 1)

I have told this story over and over, sometimes to an audience of one, and sometimes to the audience of the world. Although if you asked, I couldn't tell you what words I stumbled over in the Good Morning America interview only 2 weeks after my sisters died. I remember I was wearing a yellow …

The Sacred Season

My heart feels really sore and fragile today. I'm entering the sacred season of the year for me - I am now within 2 weeks of the anniversary of my sisters' deaths. December 9, 2007... almost 6 years ago. This year, I am 24 years old, the same age that the shooter was on the …

Anniversary

Today is my 5 year anniversary of the ones I've lost. Considering the purpose of this blog, I felt it appropriate to write a post.It's been an interesting day. I feel the pressure of the world to move on.5 years ago today, my sisters were gunned down in front of my eyes in a church …