This is Real

It is so frustrating when I am in the middle of making dinner and realize I need another pan, but I take one look at what I'd have to do to get one, and I completely shut down. I decide not to wilt the kale and sear the garlic. I decide to just go with …

Stay Here With Me

There is a spoken word poem by Andrea Gibson that is my love poem to myself. It's called The Madness Vase/The Nutrionist. I heard it in person last week when she was here for a sold-out show in Colorado Springs. (By the way, talk about an awesome experience - attending a SOLD OUT Spoken Word …

One can learn a lot in 2 years.

Today I am officially 2 years sober from alcohol!!! I am laying in bed at 10 o clock in the evening, nursing an ear infection, with a dinner that for some reason upset my stomach and had me in the bathroom for 30 minutes (TMI, I know. Deal with it), and yet, I am smiling. …

Let Off With a Warning

I love long drives. Something about the open road is tremendously appealing to me, so on Friday when I left for a little mountain town about 2 hours away, I was ecstatic. Freedom was in my grasp! On the way to this town, there is a huge valley. The highway through it is long and …

The Patron Saint of Lost Causes (The Day My Sisters Died, Part 3)

If you are just joining in, I invite you to read Part 1 and Part 2, here and here. ------- (St. Jude - The Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes) "If this is salvation, I can show you the trembling. You'll just have to trust me. I'm scared. I am the patron saint …

STOP – In the naaaaaame of looooove…

So, last week was pretty much hellfire and brimstone aimed at my dwelling. Wish I could say I did the celebrity walkout with explosions in the background... (Source) But I didn't. Got nicely caught in the crossfire happening in my own brain. I'm still dealing with aftermath and all the beautiful particles and things. I …

Resentment and Addiction

"Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." AA Big Book, page 64. On my palms are two broken blisters, one unbroken. They are still raw with the storm that the howling wind blew through me last night, leaving me shaking and exhausted in its wake. Adrenaline roaring up through …

Reconciling

Many of us seem to have some strain when it comes to relating to our families. The strain can be especially poignant around the holidays, where interacting with family is expected; if not from our families themselves, then from other well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) friends. This was certainly true for me this year. Going …

my hands are small

It's not metaphorical. It's true. I have tiny hands. Size 4.5 ring finger. And they can't dot things neatly, like that title up there that sits, balancing, without a period to stave off the anxiety of no ending. My hands can't stop uncertainty. "My world keeps spinning around." like the lyrics of this song that …

Guest Post: The Amethyst

Today, a guest post written by my best friend, Carly H. She blogs over at http://growingbutterfly.wordpress.com/. She told me a few weeks ago about her fascination with amethyst geodes, and her metaphor that we are not unlike them. Then she recently discovered the links to sobriety and just had to tell me. I joined in her …